Discovering My Dad Is A Narcissist: A Gift And A curse

Realizing my father is a narcissist changed the way I viewed him. For years, I was confused by his actions. My father's presence was like a shifting tide, sometimes pulling me close, other times drifting me into the void. Still, there were moments, I cherished with him.

Why do I see it as both a gift and a curse? On one hand, It's a gift because I'm now aware and no longer confused by his behavior..But on the other hand, It's a curse because I wish he were a normal dad, one who cherished emotions. It's sad knowing he doesn't truly experience them

We didn't speak to each other for nine years, and throughout that time, I couldn't understand how a parent could be so disconnected from their own child. When I was growing up, I felt connected to my father. But by the time I reached high school, I realized that the connection I felt wasn't mutual, he didn't share the same bond with me.

At the time, I thought that cutting off my father meant I was finally free. I believed that by walking away, I could escape the feeling of being put on a pedestal, only to be discarded when I no longer served his image. In those nine years of no contact, I didn't have to deal with him but what I didn't realize was that I kept attracting men who reflected the very wounds I was trying to leave behind. I had walked away physically , but emotionally , I was still stuck in the same cycle, repeating familiar patterns without realizing it.

What Finally Freed me

• It Didn't Start with you by Mark Wolynn shifted the way I say things. Get the book here.

  Mark says " Feeling at peace with ourselves often begins with being at peace with our parents."

• The book encourages making peace with our parents ,and I had to make peace with my father , it was not easy.

• Wolynn also says, "People often unconsciously choose a mate who will trigger them."

• Accepting my father as he is brought me peace

• I now have empathy for my father, knowing what he went through to become the way he is.

• I reached out, not expecting him to change but to free myself

• Even though we talk now, I have set boundaries

• He didn't take any accountability , and I was okay with that.

• I wasn't looking for validation or any apology , I just needed to let go of the weight I had been carrying .

• After, reconciling with my father, I felt lighter

  
  

  Healing isn't about changing the past, It's about freeing yourself from it.